For most people, money is never just money; it is a tool to accomplish some of life’s goals. It is love, power, happiness, security, control, dependency, independence, freedom and more. When two individuals form an enduring relationship with each other, money is always a partner, too.
Men and women vary in their idea of personal boundaries because they are both raised largely by women. Men have to psychologically disconnect more from women because of the sex difference; women do not have to separate so rigidly, and therefore can afford less distinct boundaries.
Second, men are raised to see the world as hierarchical and competitive. Women see the world as cooperative and democratic; they share. In addition, it is accepted that women are needy and vulnerable, while men are discouraged from such display.
When men make more money than their spouse, they believe their superior earnings entitle them to greater power in decision-making. By contrast, women who make more than their mates almost always desire democratic decision-making.
Money issues are different from other problems in a relationship. These problems are significantly more difficult to talk about and harder to resolve because of our extensive cultural conditioning. The most important thing in communication is empathy. It’s more important to be heard and understood than to have a partner agree with what you say without listening.
Mellan, Men, Women, and Money
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